Sitting on my Toilet

Finally came to terms with this phrase.  Life is meaningless and empty, I often search for significance and meaning through work, business, cool projects, toys and people – everything on the surface of this earth.  But they are all are meaningless and like chasing the wind.  Those in of themselves do not provide meaning nor significance to who I am as a person, nor do they provide meaning to life.

All my life, as far as I can remember,my self worth has been tied closely with my performance in what I do and other people’s opinions.

I want to break out of that, but failing miserably.  I am who I am, but need perspective change – a person who is driven, but not driven by fear; a person who is hard working, but not to be enslaved to work; a person who enjoys innovation, but not to idolize it; a person who enjoys friendship, but not just superficially.

How can I let the truth of being a child of God soak into my soul, my mind and my bones and let that truth set me free to rejoice, sing and dance inside. Yet, see the world in a new light.  All my self-worth, significance and approval are all established.  Work is not a way to gain my self-worth, but I choose to enjoy work because it was provided by Him.  I do not need to seek people’s approval, because the approval I need is His.  I do not need to fear of running out of money to support my family because He is the provider. These daily things are meaningful because they were entrusted to me by Jesus.

I know this inner battle is coming to an end, I can feel it.  It’s been tough struggle the last week or two.  But I was reminded that the night is darkest before dawn.

Solomon had it all.